The Princess and The Muffin

I have dropped off the face of the planet lately due to my increasing insomnia (and the time consumed by creating a slideshow for my father's 60th birthday party). After picking up my Vitamin B Complex pills, sedatives and sleeping pills, I got asked a very strange question.

I had apparently, without realizing what I was getting into, walked into a heated argument between the girl at customer service and the girl at the till. Obviously very worked up about it, the girl at the till demanded, "Which is a more insulting nickname: Princess or Muffin?" Surprisingly, I had strong opinions on the matter. In fact, she could not have picked two nicknames about which I have stronger feelings than these two.

Princess is what the evil ex used to call me (which I hated and he never realized it). It's also what my mother calls me when she really wants to piss me off. It's basically the one thing that you can call me that will send me into a rage instantly. You'd be better off calling me Poo-for-brains (but don't, okay?), although calling me a liar will get a similar reaction. (The exception to this is calling me The Princess of Weird, which is acceptable because it is from "Dead Like Me" and is also true.)

Muffin (and more commonly Muffinpants or Muffin de Pants or Muffiny Muffin) is what Paul calls me, and has for years. It fills me with a little sunny glow every time I hear it. It started out from the sarcastic sympathetic, "Awww...muffin!" whenever one of us had an insignificant complaint. One of Paul's coworker's overheard us and thought it was funny. It took on a life of it's own after that. I have even warned my co-workers that if they feel the need to answer my phone, they might get called Muffinpants by my husband. (Strangely all of them have elected to not answer my phone, which is fine by me.) When greeting me, if Paul just yells "Muffin!", I will often just yell "Pants!" in reply.

When I informed the girl at the till that Princess was the most insulting of insulting nicknames, and that Muffin was the most fabulous of fabulous nicknames when used in the right tone, she was pretty darn put out. The customer service girl did a victory dance and I checked my bill to make sure that there were no financial consequences to siding against the person who was holding my mastercard hostage.