Bittersweet

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) – an event where writers all around the world compose a minimum 50,000 word novel between 12:01 a.m. on November 1st and 11:59 pm on November 30th, just to prove that they can.

Wrimo – a participant in NaNoWriMo. The ‘Wrimo’ is often characterized by ink stains on their hands, frazzled expressions, wrist pain, chronic sleep deprivation and a tendency to stop suddenly in mid-conversation to jot notes on whatever is handy. In November, their distinctive call can be heard: “What’syourwordcount? What’syourwordcount?”

NaNoWriMo is over for another year and I’m deep in the throes of withdrawal. Each year I get a little more involved and each year it’s harder to let go when the month is over. For example, today I spent 8 hours in and out of chat, half an hour each on the forums, reviewing surveys, updating finances, planning for next year and writing this entry. I’m a junkie with a bad habit.

I’ve been participating in NaNo for five years now, and have been a Municipal Liaison for two. As a second year ML, I have started to take more initiative in the direction of our region. I came up with some new ideas for the year (I’m to blame for the NaNoPass) and I picked up some of the duties that SarahJanet had shouldered the previous year. Writing pep talks to send to the Wrimos for encouragement was definitely the most interesting new experience. I’m not sure if everyone enjoyed them as much as I did, but it was a pleasant surprise to go into chat and see that the topic was a quote from my first pep. It was also neat to have a new Wrimo quote my pep at me before he knew who I was.

In all, the experience of being an ML has been very fulfilling. I’m getting better at talking to strangers, which is never something that I’ve been comfortable with. I’ve spent more time in chat getting to know people, more time posting on the forums and making sure everything is okay. I managed to speak at length into a microphone to a crowd of 90 last night, and I hate both public speaking and microphones. (I think my only big error was saying that Denton traveled 320,000 km rather than 3,200 km. Oops, nerves. No, he did not travel from Mars.)

It’s unfortunate that the large group setting isn’t at all where I’m comfortable. I’d much rather meet and write with a small group of fun people who share similar goals than to travel with this enormous and unwieldy group assembled around me. To this end I organized a few “stealth write-ins” to just hang out and write with a few close friends. I found those events to be far more productive for me, both in terms of word count and the level of social interaction. I am in awe of the intelligence and creativity of everyone that I had the pleasure of sharing these clandestine meetings with.

The end of NaNo has a very “end of Summer Camp” kind of feel to it. By the end of the night you’re hugging people and promising to keep in touch but you know that you won’t see most of them until next year’s Kick Off party. And while that’s kind of sad, it’s also okay; it makes every November that much more magical, reuniting you after not having seen each other for a year and seeing what has changed.

While I am relieved to be free of the insane level of sleep deprivation, the pressure of writing at least 1667 words a day and the burden of constant social interaction, it leaves a hollow in my chest like I’ve lost something precious, which in some ways I have. There are people who won’t be back next year: they are moving away or they will have real life get in the way. Since NaNo is primarily an online community, there is no way of knowing who is missing and how to get in touch with them again, in most cases. Even the ones who come back will be changed by the intervening year; nothing will really be quite the same when we get back together next October.

November was also very much a time of personal development for me. I suspect that it’s going to take a lot of thinking and writing to process through all of what I’ve discovered about myself and the way I relate to the world, and even more time to fully understand all of the ways that the experiences of this month have changed me.

The end of NaNo is bittersweet, a welcome return to the normalcy of every day life while losing the thrill and excitement of this challenge, the joy and warmth of interaction, and the opportunity to actually use my vocabulary.

I’m so glad it’s over and I can’t wait for next year.