Wonder

We had a baby lunch today which, despite how it sounds, is not a little wee snack nor is it a feast of infants. My former co-worker Carl and his wife Natalie brought in their new baby daughter in for a visit. The little one was a bit worn out and hungry by the time they arrived, having visited his current office first. I’m not going to bore you with tales of how irresistible her little concerned frowny face was, how it made you want to immediately drop everything and fix whatever it was that was worrying her. I’m not going to mention her eensy fingers or her tiny nibbleable toes. Nope, I’m barely going to talk about the baby at all..

Being around Carl and Natalie during this whole “baby growing” process has been both entertaining and enlightening. They are unabashedly honest about what is happening and how it makes them feel and they are articulate and free with sharing.

When Natalie was still pregnant, she would answer any question, without restriction, honestly and intelligently, but carefully. Most of her answers were filled with wonder at this miracle of biology, even those that were slightly scary. Many of the girls at work have never had children and the responses were interesting and prompted more questions, which Natalie answered with comfortable grace.

Carl noted today that since his little girl was born he feels a stronger attachment to all babies, even complete stranger’s children. He said that that his reactions to all infants were far more emotional than ever before. When asked what the most surprising thing about the birth was, what he wished he’d been prepared for, Carl answered that it was the impact that labour had on Natalie’s face. Her labour was relatively short; 5 hours with 2 hours of pushing, but complicated by the baby being somewhat sideways and spine on spine. By the time the little girl was born, Natalie had burst blood vessel in her eyes and all over her face. Her cheeks were swollen, her eyes bloody red and the rest of her face was brown like a bad bruise. Carl said that he knew labour would be hard on her, but he just wasn’t expecting the extent of the damage to her face.

Natalie, both as a mother-to-be and a mother, has a glowing calm about her. She didn’t seem worried or stressed about what was to come and she talked about the labour almost as if it happened to another person. This isn’t to say that she wasn’t tired or it wasn’t painful, just that getting worked up about it wasn’t going to help anything. This is a philosophy so alien to my way of thinking that I found it intriguing. It wasn’t that she was saying, “Don’t worry.” (People tell me not to worry all the time and that generally just makes me worry more because it usually means that either they’re hiding something or don’t really know what’s going on.) It was just that she was living it, despite the fact that this was her first time having an entire other miniature person helpless and dependent on her for everything. It was amazing to watch someone who is so settled in their own beliefs, so comfortable with their existence that they could live the example for the rest of us, even with the stress of a newborn child in their life.

The two of them have such an easy relationship, loving and comfortable, that it’s impossible not to admire how well matched they are. Both are relaxed, humorous, athletic, and caring people and you can see how well they match. They’ve been together for more that ten years and it’s plain to see why.

Carl and Natatlie, thank you for giving all of us examples of the way things can be. Thank you for your openness, your insights and for introducing us to the wonder of your beautiful baby girl.