Awesome

I had a bad day today. How very Monday of me.

It started with oversleeping, which is not that unusual for me. I rushed around and was out of the house in ten minutes, which is actually fairly impressive. I usually park in our parking stall and Paul parks on the street but for some reason we were reversed this weekend. As I crossed the strand of snowy hill to my car I noticed that the frost on my windows looked a bit weird, not like the other cars I had passed. Around on the drivers side everything looked fairly normal so I didn't really think anything of it.

As I opened the door, my right foot skidded forward in the loose snow just as the door was swinging past. The corner of the door caught me in the shin and cut my leg open, which was followed by cursing. I retrieved some kleenex from my bag and applied pressure until the cut stopped bleeding. It wasn't bad enough to require medical attention, most of it was shallow except the part where the corner of the door bit into my shin, but it scraped uncomfortably on my pants every time I moved. My day was off to an awesome start.

I started the car (always a frustrating endeavor with a 26 year old vehicle in Canadian winter) and got out to scrape the frost off my windows. When I got around to the rear passenger side window, I realized that the reason it looked funny was that someone had poured something orange down my windows and the side of the car. Awesome. It was sticky and gooey and nearly impossible to scrape off (Orange pop perhaps?). I decided that washing it was not a good plan since the cloth would likely just freeze to the car (and that would just look ridiculous) so I just scraped it as well as I could and hoped that I wouldn't need to make any lane changes to the right on my way to work.

I put the car into gear and set off...for roughly 3 inches before getting stuck. Awesome. I'm already late for work. I set to rocking the car, optimistic that I would be able to get free since I was parked on a hill and no one was in front of me. After much rocking and tire spinning I shot free and was finally on my way...until I turned onto 106th street directly behind a snow plow (stay back 8 metres!) Le sigh. 106th street is the only stretch of my drive that there is no alternate route until 63rd ave so my only option was to plod along behind the plow at a snails pace. I used that opportunity to call in to work to tell them I was going to be late and would miss my first meeting of the day.

I finally arrived at work 35 minutes late. The working part of my day was not too bad since I was not on the schedule. Rather than spending my day on deskwork as planned, I ended up training the two new girls on diploma applications, which went alright. Part way through, one of them mentioned that the display on her phone was broken, so I thought we should exchange it with the empty desk's phone. I went to the empty desk, disconnected the phone cord and promptly dropped it behind the desk, into an extremely hard to access area. Excellent.

I gave the new girl the phone, found a metre stick and began fishing down between the desk and the cubicle wall for the lost phone cord. I was having trouble seeing so I pushed my head against the wall. That didn't do it so I thought maybe putting my eye down closer to the opening would help. I only had my left eye open as I slid my head down the cubicle wall until I was about 8 inches above the desk at which point I stabbed myself in my closed eye with a letter opener that had been, up until that point, been sitting unobtrusively pointy-end-up in a pencil cup on the desk. Un-f%$#ing-believable! (I was well beyond the bitter "Awesome." at this point. I have a huge eye phobia and am terrified of anything touching my eye, or anyone else's eye. I can't even watch anyone putting in contacts. Bleargh!)

At this point I was sure that my lower eyelid was bleeding and my eyeball hurt like a son of a biscuit so I went to check the damage in the mirror muttering, "Stabbed myself in the eye." at all of my co-workers who had heard me yell and were now staring at me, all popped out the top of their cubicles like gophers.

There is nothing that I'm quite so skilled at as embarrassing injuries. (Remind me to tell you about the time I knocked myself out with a cupboard facing. Seriously.) Luckily the damage to my eye was minimal and the pain soon subsided, although it still hurts to blink and my eye was nicely bloodshot.

By this point it was almost the end of the day. I finished up my work, blinking as seldom as possible, and grabbed a water bottle and paper towel to wash the orange pop residue from my car, which has been sitting in heated parking for the day. I was hoping that most of the pop would have melted off so that I could just rinse it down and be on my way. As I approached the car I realized that the windows were still the same smeary mess as when my car was all frozen in the morning. Closer inspection revealed that the reason my car was still so gooey was that it wasn't orange pop on my window. It was egg, which was now all baked on, shell and all. Awesome.